There’s No One Home

No one is home.

There’s no one home.

Do not come knocking today.
The curtains are drawn,

The door is locked.

Do not coming knocking today.

Can you hear me from inside?

I have the music turned up loud

To muffle the sounds.

Holding my pillow tight to my chest.

Do I think it is you I am holding so tight?

Squeezing like breath?

Do not coming knocking today.

There is no cheerful smile.

No bright hello

No thanks for coming by, offering to help.

The eyes are closed,

The windows sealed shut,

The blinds turned tightly.

Underneath the pounding of the drums,

The railing of the guitar,

Can you hear my cries?

The volume is turned up full.

I rock on the bed,

Swallow the corner of the pillow

To gag the sounds,

Gag the pain.

I can’t tell the difference anymore.

Please don’t come knocking at the door.

Can’t you read the ‘do not disturb’ sign,

The ‘do not ring’?

No one is home.

No one you’d want to meet.

Straggling to the door

Eyes swollen

Nose running

Don’t make me pretend you are welcome.

What more signs do you need?

I am not home.

To knocks and rings

Questions and calls

Texts and concerns.

Let me lick my wounds

Curl up in the blanket

Suck my thumb, if I could.

Alone, at home.

At last.

The knocking stops.

The rings end.

I am finally left alone,

At peace,

Just me and my grief.