There Be Dragons

They say 2017 is the beginning of a new cycle.  The old one has ended.  We are letting go of old stories and creating new ones, with as-of-yet unimagined possibilities.

18 months ago, I wrote, produced and directed SKINS I’VE WORN at the Electric Lodge, and what a life altering experience that was. For nearly a year after, I kept wondering, begging for what was next.  I couldn’t believe that I’d never get to taste something similar again, but nothing genuine was coming forth.

Then in November of last year I had a conversation with Christina Dunbar, who had seen me through the show: midwife/coach/performer extraordinaire.   She was restarting her program, She Takes the Stage, working with women telling their stories on stage.  And there it was.  My next yes. Whole hearted, jump into the cold water, Yes!  I was ready to get up on stage myself and share my own words. I was ready to reclaim the actress I’d left behind 25 years ago.

But as they say, sometimes Spirit has other plans.  Alas STTS would not be starting as planned, and I faced a conundrum.  I could sit back and wait … or I could move forward into the dark lands on my own.

As I processed the choice, it came to me that perhaps simply saying Yes, had been the step to take, and not necessarily the final outcome.  I had looked at STTS as an ‘easy, safe’ way to get back on stage, supported by Christina’s wonderful wisdom, a community of other women, and all the producing and logistics handled by someone else.  The thought of doing it on my own was a very, very scary proposition.

But then I remembered what I’ve learned again and again.  What so many brave souls do every day as they strive to make their dreams come true.  Though the risk may be great, the fear overwhelming, sometimes there is no other choice. The bud must open. There is no life to be found in the comfort of the couch.

The next day, I woke with that familiar grip in my belly.  That “oh crap, what am I getting myself into, I can still change my mind” feeling.  I sat down with my husband, warning him we were in for another ride, and I was so grateful for his support.  He took my hand and smiled. (I guess I’m not really on my own….)

As I step out onto this new road, knapsack on, boots packed, I raise my face to the wind.  My skin prickles with excitement.  I have no idea where I’m headed or what new story I will tell.  I don’t know who I will meet or what dragons I will encounter.  But this I do know.

I am alive.  There is no turning back.

To your journey.

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