Call backs yesterday. Six beautiful actresses showed up and again blew me away with their passion and commitment. The challenge becomes who to select: who will bring the most courage, exploration, sense of play to the project. Who can bring a range of emotions, characters, risk to this work.
Who is flexible and fluid enough to grow and shape this project with me. Because I discovered yesterday, as I had so suspected, that the writings I created were the ‘skeleton’ of this project. That with every member of the team, another layer is added, the vision expands a little differently. Not that I don’t know where we are headed, but as they say, I am the map – but together we will discover the territory.
The other thing I am discovering is the difference between what is ‘mine’ and what is someone else’s influence. As I think about the project, where it is set, what it is about, I realize there are very subtle influences in there that are not necessarily me. But I didn’t notice that until I stumbled upon the thing that was mine – truly mine. It was like it fell into place perfectly. I could feel it in my body. yes! yes! This is what it means to me, this is what this is really about – to me.
Hard to understand. The closest analogy is tuning a guitar, and you tune and you tune and you get closer and closer. And then – there – that last twist. That’s it – that is in tune – it rings true.
Of course, the challenge is that I don’t always know, until I feel the alternative and I can discern the difference. It is as though I have gone into the desert and am listening to how the sands shift. All I can say is when I have it, I know it. And when I don’t – I don’t. It is only in the process of trying, and fitting, and throwing away, and tossing it all up in the air, and turning it upside down to see what shakes out – And hoping the sweet truth will make herself known.
To this process, this delicious discovery and revelation. This sheer joy of the creative process.
Every day I am grateful to be on this path.