How tempting it was that day to simply curl up and plead illness, cancel the appointment at the theater. My anxiety over this production had literally made me sick to my stomach.
But somehow my desire to birth this performance piece was greater than my fears and so I dragged myself, tired and nauseous, to the Electric Lodge Theater. Miraculously, and not at all surprising, once I got there all belly-aching passed.
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There were so many things right about the theater. I was welcomed into the space by their warm and delightful technical director, Jenny. Their mission was that they were, “Conscientiously created to be eco-friendly … they were also a proud champion of sustainability in the arts.”
They were located in Venice, literally 1 block north of where my daughter was born. It was just the right size, with dates available just when I imagined.
Finally, there was this great sense that they were part of a community of artists and of the neighborhood. I felt like I was joining a family if I decided to work with them.
Of course, as soon as we left the nausea struck again. I had taken my husband with me and though he could appreciate all the Lodge offered, he couldn’t help but voice so many of my own fears: the money to do the show (I was still so in debt from last year), how would I fill the house? Where would I rehearse? I finally had to beg him to stop.
All I can say is that somehow during that night much settled. When I awoke at the crack of dawn the next morning I felt calm and confident. It came to me as I wrote: What else do I work for? What else really matters? This work has been years in the making, my life in the making. If I died tomorrow this is what I needed to have done.
Amazingly enough, when my husband got up that same morning, he agreed. I didn’t have to convince him, change his mind. Over a cup of coffee we talked it thru.
He understood my need and, bless his most generous heart, he supported it.
The date shines in front of me like a beacon, a talisman. I don’t know how it will all come together, what the final piece will look like, (where the money will come from, how I will fill the house). All I know is that I must do this thing. I will do what I must to do this thing.
The door is open, the leap is happening. I am, we are, stepping through.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]