In Between

It is August 2019. We are in the dog days of summer. It’s been over a month since “Widows Anonymous” ended. At first, it was simply the relief of the show being over. I no longer had to wake up early to work on it. There was time for friends and family, for cooking meals, for exercising. I didn’t have to feel guilty if I didn’t spend every waking moment rehearsing, promoting, thinking about the show. I had my life back. (Funny that, “I had my life back.”)

Of course, it wasn’t long before I started wondering about the ‘what’s next?’ Did I want to get back to some of the writings I’d started? Was I interested in developing a new performance piece? I asked myself those questions in my morning pages, but so far there is little that has sparked any interest.

So I have dubbed this time, the “in between” time. With no pressure and no urgency, I am allowing the path to unfold. I am following impulses, saying yes to what intrigues me, saying no to what does not. As I did while working on the show, I am creating space for the ‘something’ to come through. I’m inviting the possibility that this in-between time can be a time of nurturing and rich discovery. Trusting that wherever I am is exactly where I need to be. There will, no doubt, be times of delight when inspiration strikes, and times of impatience when things are sitting fallow.

But… as I write this, it hits me that the ‘in-between’ is my life, just as “Widows Anonymous was my life for the past four months. It is important to value this time, this experience, as I would any other time. I must be wary of considering it unimportant because I don’t have some big undertaking. I don’t want to feel as if I am simply waiting for something more exciting to make itself clear. Rather, this is a time to cherish quiet, reflection, pleasure, exploration, connection. Not necessarily as a means to an end, but as simply, importantly, ‘my life.’ This is the ebb part of the ebb and flow, just as vital, just as valuable, as the big crescendoes.

Without the quiet, we cannot appreciate the song. To honoring the ‘in-between.’

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