I can’t see my way into the maze yet, but the strands are there. The writings that have poured forth over the past couple of years after losing my husband, the work I’ve come back to that is helping people reconnect to the earth, and the solace I found in my own garden, are all part of this next weaving.
In the beginning, when it is just the next step, the next one step we can take, the garden can be a place to rest, to let Mama Earth hold you, to capture the endless tears that fall. The garden can be a safe sacred place to ease the burden just a little bit.
Six months after he died, I had a desperate need to re-do my own garden. Every morning I’d look out at the monster banana and its ugly brown fronds, or the shrub that had been cut into a square that blocked my kitchen window. And all I could think of was how much I hated it all. I needed it gone, clear cut. I needed space, beauty, life.
Over the next couple of months, with the help of my daughter and her friends, I tore out everything I hated, and planted a new garden, one that brought me comfort and bits of pleasure.
I still remember those days afterwards, sitting in my garden, trying to remember how to breathe, finding small measures of comfort in the new green shoots, the first blossoms of spring, the butterflies and bees that came to dance. And with them,
- A scent of spring that whispered hope for tomorrow.
- A buzz in the ear that reminded me, even when I was not yet ready to hear it, that life goes on.
- A touch of the mystery that called to my heart, my soul, connecting me to the something we are part of that is so much greater and wondrous than we can comprehend with our minds.
After nearly 2-1/2 years, I have learned, have felt, that during the hard lonely journey that is grief, there is wisdom and solace to be found in the arms of the Great Mother.
This journey, this connection with the Earth as an aid in our healing, is what I am seeking to offer with this next journal.
How will it look? What territory will we cover? Will it be a place to write the grief? A map to creating a healing garden of your own?
I don’t know…yet. And that is part of this journey as well. I am looking forward, yes forward, to discovering what will be revealed.
Much love to you all.