I had forgotten what it felt like to be in that place of creative synergy. To be collaborating with other people to create something new. I’d forgotten the excitement of seeing something that had existed only in my imagination come to life.
Yesterday I got together with Tamara Bess, my co-producer and Carolyn Gatus, a beautiful dancer and choreographer, to create the “Skins I’ve Worn” promo video for a kickstarter campaign we’re launching next month.
There were nerves of course, but good nerves, excited nerves. I had piles of clothes for possible costume changes, all kinds of cords and plugs, and scripts and notes that I had prepared. Of course lots of food, because every shoot needs good crafts services.
Some things didn’t go as planned, we had a few technical difficulties. But we laughed as we found alternatives and got creative. See our fun photos. I have to say it is so much better doing that with someone else.
And some things went better than I could have imagined. Moments when we had the lights just so, and we captured Carolyn’s exquisite interpretation of the words, and we all felt goose pimples rise on our arms at what was ushered into that space.
The last part of the afternoon was the interviews. We started with Carolyn and why she said yes to sharing an afternoon with us. Then Tamara beautifully expressed how she got involved in the project and why it was important to her. We also captured glimpses of her own experiences with the subject matter.
Finally it was my turn: to sit in front of the camera and try to explain what this project was and why it had come into being – challenging to do. I’d written about it in round-about, poetical ways. Many times the pieces I had shared out loud were pieces that were about other women’s stories. But this was the first time I’d shared in this kind of detail the how and why this all came into being.
It was a revelation to me. In the telling, I discovered new facets to the story and how much certain things still mattered after all this time. But it was good to do. It was a big stretch of my growing edge: to share this story publicly, to admit to the shame that I’d felt afterwards. And it was also important to celebrate the growth and strength that has come from this journey, is still coming from this journey.
One of the most important things I realized as I shared was that this work taught me empathy and compassion for the young woman I was. She was not foolish or stupid, she simply did what she did because that was where she was in her life. Where I was in my life.
I know that today I would not have made those same choices. But those choices are what have made me….
I still need to edit the footage, put a story together from all the bits and pieces, find some music. And of course there are things I would have done differently, but that’s a different blog. But damn if I’m not so very proud of what we accomplished yesterday. Huge bowlfuls of profound gratitude to Tamara and Carolyn for all that they brought to the day. Together we made magic and I’m so grateful for the joy and creativity they added to the pot.
As Tamara said as we were packing up. “This just got real…. And it’s only going to get realer.”
Stay tuned for our kickstarter campaign coming soon.
To the journey!